Out of the millions and millions of people in NYC I want the one person I obviously will never have. I have this terrible habit of loving the things that are the worst for me. If it makes life more complicated then apparently I’ll fall in love.
I feel as though I can never get ahead. Financially, emotionally, physically, and otherwise. I try my hardest to be confident and positive but the universe is constantly testing me and I’m passing by the skin of my teeth.
When will I thrive?
I save and I’m careful with my money and I’m still always struggling. Tickets, taxes, car problems. It never ends. I give my mother money and help her, but who helps me? If I can’t help myself then why don’t I have someone there to help me like others do? I know not everyone has that, but I’m just sick of feeling so alone and struggling.
Last night was a fun escape that I wish could have lasted forever. Next weekend I actually have an entire 2 days off and I want to go out to a bar and get drunk and laugh and forget all the horrible things that happen to me on a daily basis. I want to forget who I am, and that I over-think and over-analyze. I want my brain to relax.
I want to be able to relax, instead of constantly calculating and organizing and planning. I want someone to surprise me and show me they care. Romance, a grandiose gesture.
Dream the impossible dream.